More marriages / partnerships struggle than survive in today’s very high pressured society and demands and do not always come with a united front. As we know, marriage (and any committed relationship for that matter) in and of itself can be hard enough and when you add children to the mix (albeit our own together, step children, adopted) there is a whole host of life’s circumstances that rise and call forth the roar of our ego. There are some many underlying aspects that can contribute to the disconnect in our marriages / relationships and in my observation it starts way before the children even arrive.
Questions from the way each person was raised, self-belief systems, inner-lacking and struggles to fears, anxieties, self-worth, lack of respect or communication, past abuse all play a huge role in how we show up presently in our relationships. As we have fantasy / ideals of becoming a parent, those same fantasies are first created in our minds when we begin a relationship. Everything is wonderful and full of roses until our true selves start to set in (which we really can never escape). We may not talk about the fine-details of our life goals, convictions, principles, needs, wants – too afraid to scare off our partner – so we tuck it away somewhere inside us and hope it will just go away and take care of itself on its own.
Then, the truth prevails and manifests in ways we sometimes are not prepared to meet. Just when we think all is going well with our partner, marriages – we begin to realize some part of our inner essence is disconnected from our external interactions. And it usually comes into play when we become a parent and break open ourselves through the process of self-discovery and raising our own.
The Conscious Parent practices and approach, while significantly relevant to that of the parent-child relationship, is also so instrumental and adaptable to all relationships in our lives. The same questions Dr. Shefali Tsabary asks that relates to looking inward and how we are projecting ourselves onto our children through our own unmet needs, emotional inheritance, life-script, ego attachments and emotional triggers are equally important questions to ask ourselves within our marriage / partnerships.
So for instance if we are feeling conflicted at the present moment that you are on the conscious parenting path, but our partner isn’t and undermines us ask “what is showing up for me through my partner that our child is teaching me to resolve / address? What is my fear here? What have I been avoiding until now that my child’s calling into our lives is here to raise / grow within myself? What do I need to let go of (self-beliefs, anxieties, my “perfect” role) in order to heed this calling and rise through?
As we begin to awaken our consciousness to our life and our inner child, we need to take care of ourselves first, accept what we cannot change within our partner and forge ahead that feels best to our own inner compass.
As I recall Dr. Shefali once sharing – it’s better to have one conscious parent than none at all. So continue to honor yourself, your soul and your inner-knowing and do what you know and feel is best not only for yourself but for your child through becoming a conscious parent and evolve together on your life-long journey!