… a necessity to our constant self-growth and evolution.
Summer breaks are full of fun, freedom, vacations, late-night sleepovers, no homework and pool parties and making that shift back into the routine (work, school) can be difficult for everyone involved – children and parents alike. A new school year (or possibly a new job) is on the horizon with lots of changes and transitioning that happen during each season of our lives.
Just as we parents may start a new career, we too have unsettled unknown feelings around what is going to be expected of us and how well we are going to perform. Thoughts such as – will we like our co-workers, our boss, our new office environment, the company policies, the benefits package, the hours, the commute, the long meetings, the expectations from our clients, the sales quotas – all the latter and more. Yet we arrive with our best efforts, our greatest intentions and hope it is all that we signed up for. Many of us suppress our emotions and ignore our feelings because we don’t have the time, let alone the energy to even “go there”. We have a million things on our minds between family / career and although we may think we got it under control – nevertheless our feelings find us and navigate their way through our fibers to reach our consciousness and awake us.
Now consider a child who is starting back at school. There is no real difference for our children in all they are experiencing within themselves. Yet a slight difference is they are still learning how to attune to those feelings – surrounding the unknown. Our children have so many emotions, anxieties around being liked, fitting in, liking their teacher, doing well on their exams and homework, joining a popular club or sport, wearing the right clothes, hanging with the right crowds, picking the best seat at lunch time, speaking up in class or being asked to respond in class, having the latest gadgets and overall just enjoying their time in school for the 6-8 hours they are there. Then they come home and we hound them to tell us about their day, get their homework done, get ready for ball practice, set the table for dinner, and unconsciously exert all our pent up frustrations onto them from our long day at the office with barely any if at all time to unwind.
I share the latter as it personally has been a challenging week for me but more importantly a call for me to continue to rise and connect more within myself. A reminder that no matter how much I may be learning, I am always being given an opportunity to keep evolving, growing, shifting, changing and listening to the lesson being taught through motherhood. So my husband has been traveling 8 out of 10 days and I have been managing my energies, presence with my daughter, time with my clients and everyday routine of life pretty well. Until yesterday – mommy needed to cleanse her soul and cry, needed to let out her emotions and feelings that have been encased and not breathing very well without my true attention to nurture them. It had been day three for my 4.5 year old daughter starting at her new preschool and she was not wanting to go at all. Lots of tears, resistance. It started last night at bedtime when she very articulately expressed her feelings and emotions around being scared, missing mommy, and just wanting to stay home. And it carried over through yesterday morning when she got to school and had a complete meltdown and screaming for me as I left the class. Two feet down the hallway and I knelt down and cried too.
Looking back and after a couple inspirational phone calls yesterday, I can now see that while I was mentally prepared to handle my daughter starting at a new preschool, I never really allowed myself to dial inwardly around the subtle anxieties that I had been pushing down. At the core of my essence, I was wrapped in fear – fear of how my daughter was going to transition, adjust to a new school, new friends, new environment, new rules, new routine, new teachers, new lessons, etc. My head space was very systematic and my heart space was vying for comfort. For every feeling she conveyed, and she shared many, I wanted to “fix” them all. I didn’t think I was trying to do that but I was. I had transferred my energies into her space that only heightened her worries. It wasn’t through anything more than how I was energetically showing up. No one on the outside would even tell that I was riled up. But my daughter, who is so connected to her feelings, her own energy, sensed mine so keenly. My hyper-focus on helping her be at ease had defeated my best intentions and further exasperated her anxieties even deeper. What do I mean specifically? She already is a verbal and highly articulate child with all her thoughts, emotions and feelings and I would over-communicate (almost to the point where she lost the essence of my intentional presence) because of the noise of my words.
Sometimes when we have the best intentions for our children, we can actually defeat the purpose in the lesson by talking too much. We match the energy of what is showing up in front of us from our children with the same energy instead of backing off, paying little to no mind and allowing “it is what it is” to just exist. I’m learning that there continues to be a fine-balance showing up for our children both in physical presence and also in just energetic presence. They are both powerful and serving to helping our children work through the process of their feelings and both do not always have to work in tandem. They can be equally effective independently as well.
Transitions are are never easy but a necessity to our constant self-growth and evolution. They are conjure up the unknown and unconsciously invite our ego to the party. Our ego that wants so much to control the feelings that are uncomfortable and unsettling. Ego has very tricky ways in how it appears in front of us. It can roar loudly or even silently whisper in our ears. The way we can learn to identify when the ego is slithering its way into the picture, is through silence, through journaling, through meditation, through inner connection – all of which I know I need to do become more of on a daily basis – starting with this blog.
I am grateful for this hard week and even more grateful that my daughter continues to show me where I have yet to grow and how I can continue to serve her highest being when I attend to my own.
Would love to hear how transitioning back to school has been for you and your kids? Please share if you are so inspired to do so