I have always been a visual learner from back in high school, to my college studies and even now on my parenting journey. With so much information out there, it sometimes is too hard to keep it all straight in one’s head. The below 7 P’s of Parenting is something I created based on my own vision, intuition, daily encounters with my daughter and my voracious appetite and passion to learning and teaching about conscious parenting, as inspired by Dr. Shefali Tsabary’s brilliant work. I hope this helps to serve you on your parenting journey with love and abundance.
Pause – When we take the time to PAUSE (take a breath, create a moment of stillness), we allow ourselves and our children an honorable space before an emotional reaction may take place. In this space, we can collect our thoughts, feel our feelings, connect with our inner child and gain a better self-understanding on where our emotions are deriving. This is an inestimable gift we can not only give ourselves but to our children and a means to slow us down from the doing and align ourselves to our being in any given circumstance. Through our moment to PAUSE, we can then be fully present.
Presence – This is more than just physical PRESENCE. This is emotional, spiritual and mental PRESENCE. To be present in our parenting partnership with our children requires a deep awareness to ourselves so we can connect with them in any given moment that comes before us. Asking questions such as “do I really hear what my child is saying or asking of me – verbal and non-verbal?”, “can I clearly see what my child’s behavior is telling me outside of my own ego and judgment?”, “am I honoring and validating my child’s feelings?”, “am I aware of how I am showing up to my child (my vibrational energy)”? These simple yet profound guiding questions enable us to stay in the “now” moment with complete consciousness to embracing what that moment is here to teach us. As we condition our brain to become more present, we gain more strength that leads us into patience for when times are not always smooth sailing.
Patience – PATIENCE is a virtue and a necessary evil as we course through our parenting journey. PATIENCE is needed through many of the phases and stages of our children’s growth, including our own. The definition is “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.” As we pause, stay fully present, and build our patience, we can have a balanced perspective of our partnership / relationship with our children. Our egos are not the driving force and we begin to see each other authentically for who we are.
Perspective – Regarding our children’s PERSPECTIVE gives them empowerment, validation and an inner voice of self-knowing. We teach them that what they have to say matters, that they can trust their own thoughts and that they exist as their own spiritual being, separate from us. We may not always agree or understand their PERSPECTIVE (as they will not do of ours), and that is okay. We are their first relationship in life in which they will come to know how to embrace their own thoughts, emotions, inner voice and being so we need to give them a safe platform to do so. As they become more attuned to this with their parents, they will take this tool in life and learn more effectively how to value the perspective of others, especially where problem-solving is needed.
Problem-Solve – One of the keys in life is learning how to PROBLEM-SOLVE. Whether in our homes, with our children / spouses, or in the corporate world with professional relationships, we need to understand how to problem-solve so we can find balance and harmony in situations that present struggles and contention. Our children look to us for guidance in many areas and many times we fall short unconsciously. By default, we fear failure so if we see our children subjected to the like, we try to jump in and save them. We don’t want them to feel the pain or hurt that comes with failure. However by doing this, we are cheating them out of learning how to PROBLEM-SOLVE and survive in life. We cripple them by not encouraging them to think for themselves on how to handle the situation at hand so they learn for the next time. Working together to create an effective solution to a problem is an invaluable growing opportunity and one that invites varies ways to get to the end result – sometimes even through being playful with one another.
Play – As we get older, we seem to steer away from PLAY and become way more serious. Why is that? At the core of us is a childish desire to have fun and our children (more often than not) remind us of this – yet we are too caught up in our own world we forget to step away to PLAY. Work is demanding of us, the house chores are unfinished, bills are piling up, and emails are awaiting a response, and somehow these take precedence over the invitation from our children to be playful with them. We are too tired, too stressed, too frustrated … to even engage with them. The meaning of play “is to engage in an activity for enjoyment and recreation rather than a serious or practical purpose.” There are multiple opportunities in a day to play with our children, teens included. It all starts with how our energy vibrates around them and then we can add a little bit of silliness, song, dance along the way. If we get lost on where to start, just look at our children and they will guide us through their authentic essence.
Peace – At the end of the day, we all desire a home with PEACE. One that exudes an aura of tranquility, togetherness, connection and purpose. A sense of freedom becomes part of the family’s fabric and everyone is able to just be with ease and no expectations, no perfection, and no righteous. We are aligned at the heart and we have mutual love and acceptance for one another. When there is PEACE, our children feel safe and contained within the healthy boundaries we set in our home. Parenting is an accumulation of many components that we bring over the span of our lifetime. When we can all go to sleep at night, with peace in our hearts that we are creating the best conditions for our children to thrive, we can rest with a peaceful mind that we have done or best.