One thing is for sure … no two days are alike. And even if you have the best laid “plans” for how your day is going to turn out, your child’s agenda will and can completely detour you from that in a moment’s notice.
So my 4-year old woke up at 4:30 a.m. this past morning with some minor frustrations and uncomfortable feelings of needing to go to the bathroom. That lead into a full hour’s waking – back and forth – in and out of the rooms – until close to 5:40 a.m. Well her school wake-up time was creeping up sooner than I could fathom and we both ended sleeping in and through the alarms.
Given her night and continued feelings of discomfort, I kept her home (took her to the doctors) and stayed attuned to my own levels of irritability (lack of sleep) that were arising on and off throughout the day. As much as I was present to knowing her situation, knowing mine and seeing all for the “as-is”, I still struggled more than usual with maintaining my patience at times and was more frustrated and triggered by her off-balance moments than I have in a long time. I was in and out of my consciousness throughout the day and could recognize this from any vantage point in which I was observing myself.
On several occasions, I would let my daughter know that I was a bit cranky, irritable and frustrated. She would ask “why mommy?” And I would let her know that mommy’s have these days too but that it was up to me to work through it and I didn’t mean to react to her in a short way because of it. At one moment, we were in the car and I was completely quiet (trying to center myself again) and she said “why aren’t you talking mommy?” and I replied “because mommy’s need quiet time too – to calm themselves and their feelings down”. She said “will you talk when we get home”? When we did get home, I put everything down and asked for a hug. She went into the next moment so authentically and carefree.
Throughout my past year of awakening to my being, my emotions, my triggers, my ego, my anxieties, my inner lack, my expectations etc … I have to say even with days like today when I feel I was more “off-balance” than I desire, my conscious parenting muscle is building more strength by the day and especially when those unexpected (so-to-speak) days arrive. A year ago, I would have lost my emotions a lot faster and a lot more and would have been an emotional mess caught in my egoic being on days like today. My journey of consciousness is an ever-evolving awakening and one I am truly grateful in which I am embracing not only for my daughter and family’s benefit but for my own.
How do you recognize when your ego is playing the main role versus your authentic being on days that go awry?
How do you show up in those situations? What easily triggers you causing your egoic self to manifest your frustrations further?